View source for IBM's PC company - do they work for Mickeysoft ? Not to mention Marketing .... ( ok, I'll mention them ! )

By Sam the cat

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[[Image:samstit.png|The Claw]]
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 '''There's nothing I like 
 better than a good 
 piece of meat ... 
 that one will do ...
 ... <swipe>
        ''... (Owch!) ...'''''
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 That feels better, so lets get down to a good bitch.
 I've never had a really good one at IBM and 
 they've been really getting up my fur balls 
 lately so lets see what they've been up to.
 
 First off, I have to say that "IBM really knows how 
 to write good software."
 Yes, that not a bitch, but you're not writing this and 
 I'm getting paid to say that, so with the putrid suck 
 and slurp out of the way, lets me continue. 
 
 Lets face it, when it comes to promotion and marketing, 
 IBM has about as much idea of what's going on as 
 '''a Camel has about 9th order calculus'''. 
 Take the PC company for example, 
 ''(oh, please, please '''*PLEASE*''' take them!''), 
 they seem to have forgotten that they are part of IBM, 
 as at the present time they seem to be doing more to promote 
 Microsneeze's software 
 than that written by the company who pays their wages. 
 
 Recently, they sent customers who have bought a 
 Thinkpad with the OS/2/DOS 7/WFW 3.11 preloads a special bonus CD. 
 Was it a free IBM catalogue?
 A multimedia christmas cheer from Lou? 
 '''A bird?
 ''A plane ?'' 
 No, in fact it was a copy of Windoz'95,6,7,8 ...''' 
 and at that, not even one modified to work with OS/2. 
 
 '''''It was the full beast,
 designed to wipe OS/2 upon installation'''''. 
 So I ask you guys,
 just how much did Messiah Gate's contribute to your wages this week?
 Or are you secretly wearing MS's trendy 60's style corporate shirts 
 under your IBM blues ? 
 .... I wonder ....
 
 Then there's your '''magnificent''' support of your software colleagues 
 at several recent trade shows. 
 I gotta say, OS/2 is so good that it only needs a single ThinkPad 
 for demo'ing OS/2 software products to all those perspective customers .... 
 after all, the software staff have absolutely nothing better to do than 
 '''sit around on their arses''' all day for four days. 
 .... I'm convinced, aren't you?
 
 And speaking of co-incidences, 
 '''is it one that at least one recent trade show your own hardware 
 demo section is right next to the MicroSurf stand ? 
 Are you getting to low down for IBM?
 Do you want to keep warm in the hot air flow?
 Or do you want to be near you best buddies?''' 
 Enquiring minds wish to know ....
 
 And finally there is marketing,
 that's right boys and girls, time to come out of your cosy 
 little blue walled rooms and take off those corporate blue straight jackets. 
 Time to get out in the '''<nowiki>****REAL WORLD**** !!!!!</nowiki>''' 
 Elephants, Nuns, Priests, sheep herders, and people lost 
 in the middle of the jungle. 
 At least the ads had a consistent look and feel 
 - '''people who were unlikely to have regular access if any at all, 
 to a computer.''' 
 No shots of the computers, OS/2 or anything else. 
 
 Meanwhile over in the MS camp, 
 (is this sounding like a B-grade movie yet?)
 we have people using the software for the first time 
 and finding it easy to understand, 
 a high-tech campaign that could have come from the pages of '''Wired''' 
 and showing people using the product and '''winning'''. 
 
 Although to give MS due in the crap department there was 
 a series of retro 60's ads done with a few coloured blocks 
 and dotted lines that where '''''<nowiki>*REALLY AWFUL*</nowiki>''''', 
 but the point here is that quite frankly, 
 IBM just doesn't have a clue. 
 
 Their ads are very stylish, yet ultimately '''boring''', 
 '''un-interesting''' and '''un-informative'''. 
 The idea of advertising is to wet the appetite of your target audience, 
 and to do this you have to '''SHOW''' them how your product is going 
 to make their day better.
 
 In IBM's world it will only be better if you are an 
 Elephant, Buddhist Priest, Nun, sheep herder or lost in the jungle. 
 Yeah, like I want to be a sheep herder when I grow up ... '''NOT!'''
 
 Mickysoft on the other hand is doing what is has always done very well, 
 and targetted the average human being, the man on the street, 
 '''THE MAJORITY OF THE HUMAN POPULATION WHO HAVE COMPUTERS !''' 
 And more specifically going for every family's jugular
 ... their brats ! 
 Is this obvious or what ? 
 
 Target the children and show how they will have the best 
 future possible by using your products. 
 Easy, more people are buying computers for their children than ever before. 
 In one shop I know at least''' half the computers sold''' are bought 
 by people who do not actually need a computer, 
 but '''who have children''' who do.
 
 Well, I gotta go and scratch the local sprogs to keep them in line.
 
 ''Meeeow!''

[[Category:OS/2 Zone Magazine]]