IBM's PC company - do they work for Mickeysoft ? Not to mention Marketing .... ( ok, I'll mention them ! )

By Sam the cat

There's nothing I like better than a good piece of meat ... that one will do ... ... <swipe> ... (Owch!) ...

That feels better, so lets get down to a good bitch.
I've never had a really good one at IBM and 
they've been really getting up my fur balls 
lately so lets see what they've been up to.

First off, I have to say that "IBM really knows how 
to write good software."
Yes, that not a bitch, but you're not writing this and 
I'm getting paid to say that, so with the putrid suck 
and slurp out of the way, lets me continue. 

Lets face it, when it comes to promotion and marketing, 
IBM has about as much idea of what's going on as 
a Camel has about 9th order calculus. 
Take the PC company for example, 
(oh, please, please *PLEASE* take them!), 
they seem to have forgotten that they are part of IBM, 
as at the present time they seem to be doing more to promote 
Microsneeze's software 
than that written by the company who pays their wages. 

Recently, they sent customers who have bought a 
Thinkpad with the OS/2/DOS 7/WFW 3.11 preloads a special bonus CD. 
Was it a free IBM catalogue?
A multimedia christmas cheer from Lou? 
A bird?
A plane ? 
No, in fact it was a copy of Windoz'95,6,7,8 ... 
and at that, not even one modified to work with OS/2. 

It was the full beast,
designed to wipe OS/2 upon installation. 
So I ask you guys,
just how much did Messiah Gate's contribute to your wages this week?
Or are you secretly wearing MS's trendy 60's style corporate shirts 
under your IBM blues ? 
.... I wonder ....

Then there's your magnificent support of your software colleagues 
at several recent trade shows. 
I gotta say, OS/2 is so good that it only needs a single ThinkPad 
for demo'ing OS/2 software products to all those perspective customers .... 
after all, the software staff have absolutely nothing better to do than 
sit around on their arses all day for four days. 
.... I'm convinced, aren't you?

And speaking of co-incidences, 
is it one that at least one recent trade show your own hardware 
demo section is right next to the MicroSurf stand ? 
Are you getting to low down for IBM?
Do you want to keep warm in the hot air flow?
Or do you want to be near you best buddies? 
Enquiring minds wish to know ....

And finally there is marketing,
that's right boys and girls, time to come out of your cosy 
little blue walled rooms and take off those corporate blue straight jackets. 
Time to get out in the ****REAL WORLD**** !!!!! 
Elephants, Nuns, Priests, sheep herders, and people lost 
in the middle of the jungle. 
At least the ads had a consistent look and feel 
- people who were unlikely to have regular access if any at all, 
to a computer. 
No shots of the computers, OS/2 or anything else. 

Meanwhile over in the MS camp, 
(is this sounding like a B-grade movie yet?)
we have people using the software for the first time 
and finding it easy to understand, 
a high-tech campaign that could have come from the pages of Wired 
and showing people using the product and winning. 

Although to give MS due in the crap department there was 
a series of retro 60's ads done with a few coloured blocks 
and dotted lines that where *REALLY AWFUL*, 
but the point here is that quite frankly, 
IBM just doesn't have a clue. 

Their ads are very stylish, yet ultimately boring, 
un-interesting and un-informative. 
The idea of advertising is to wet the appetite of your target audience, 
and to do this you have to SHOW them how your product is going 
to make their day better.

In IBM's world it will only be better if you are an 
Elephant, Buddhist Priest, Nun, sheep herder or lost in the jungle. 
Yeah, like I want to be a sheep herder when I grow up ... NOT!

Mickysoft on the other hand is doing what is has always done very well, 
and targetted the average human being, the man on the street, 
THE MAJORITY OF THE HUMAN POPULATION WHO HAVE COMPUTERS ! 
And more specifically going for every family's jugular
... their brats ! 
Is this obvious or what ? 

Target the children and show how they will have the best 
future possible by using your products. 
Easy, more people are buying computers for their children than ever before. 
In one shop I know at least half the computers sold are bought 
by people who do not actually need a computer, 
but who have children who do.

Well, I gotta go and scratch the local sprogs to keep them in line.

Meeeow!